


Winter Wonderland

by Moonspite



Series: Rotten Men, Grotesque Romance [9]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Appropriate Use of Flamethrowers, Gen, Nonsense, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6181597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonspite/pseuds/Moonspite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Based on a fake news headline I found) Archer is not happy after Kimbley tries to clear the driveway of snow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> no joke, i first wrote all this in crayon while i was waiting for food at a restaurant a couple days ago.

Archer was not pleased.

He gave Kimbley a flat look -- something that said he’d long since come to terms with his lover’s shenanigans, but at the same time, showed the disapproval that Kimbley was all too familiar with. He covered his face with his hand.

“So, where, exactly, did you procure a bloody _flamethrower_ …?”

When Kimbley opened his mouth to speak, Archer put up a hand and cut him off.

“Nevermind-- “ he breathed out a sigh, pursing his lips. “There are so many things wrong with this. I don’t even know where to start.”

Archer scanned the area -- their yard had been reduced to a ruined hellscape; his poor bushes, once manicured to perfection the past summer were smoldering, burned charcoal black in the wake of Kimbley’s latest nonsense. The lawn was almost completely seared away, with a few sparse patches of blackened grass spread across the scorched earth.

And there was Kimbley with a gas tank strapped to his back and a flamethrower hose in his hands.

After a few moments of silence, he offered Archer a lopsided grin as he tried to diffuse the situation.  
“Uh, well -- looks like we don’t gotta deal with the snow no more, so that’s good at least, yeah?”

“Kimbley don’t even start. I gave you one simple task _._ ” Each of the last three words were halted for emphasis. “Just -- _how_?”

“Look boss, we had _three_ feet of snow -- and we got a long-ass driveway. And you know me, man -- I grew up in the fuckin’ South; we don’t get snow! We get...fuckin’ hurricanes, and alligators, and shit.”

“Oh my god. Then use a snowblower, you tit.”

“Oh, come on -- I’ve done _dumber_ shit than this. You know that!”

Archer gave him the most judgmental stare he could have possibly given him. Kimbley scratched at himself nervously.

“Look, I promise -- this shit is gonna grow back.And  I’m gonna make it all up to you. We’re gonna go right down to Lowe’s garden center once April rolls around and I’m gonna --”

“Kimbley, no.”

“Okay, what now? You worried I’m gonna make bombs outta the fertilizer? That was only once. And I just wanted to see if it’d work.” Kimbley huffed. “I already told you I was sorry about the damn bird bath -- cut me some slack, alright?”

By now, Archer was red in the face and struggling to keep his cool. Sucking a breath in through his teeth, he growled.

“Put. The flamethrower. Back. Where. You _found it_.”


End file.
